We’ve seen the submission memes making the rounds on social media, specifically in Black spaces. People claim Black women only submit to White men or Black women aren’t submitting to Black men. As if both are good things. I don’t believe in the concept of submission unless we are talking about BDSM. Even with BDSM, I will never submit to anyone! It isn’t in my nature.  Lets get back to the religious concept of submission. This isn’t slavery! We are free!

The idea of religious submission is rooted in first-century logic. Please, please, please don’t use the god argument on me. One, the Bible OK’d slavery, genocide, infanticide and all kinds of craziness. The idea of submission via religion was created by men, written by men and enforced by men who believed mental illness was a sign of demonic possession. They also believed a thunderstorm was a sign that God was angry and that dragons existed. Should I really take my cues from that? And two, I don’t believe in it. I prefer the progressive version of religion.

The submission folks always quote “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22 but never “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8. I wonder why?

Today you have social media relationship pimps pushing this nonsense. If you notice, the idea today is usually promoted by men who are insecure and have little to no power. To make up for their lack of power, some of these men demand women submit to their manly leadership. Let’s be real. Most of it is a game to get ass in the name of God and to play house without the ring. They dangle the idea of marriage like carrot while requiring women to perform sexual and mental gymnastics. Deep down these men know marriage will never happen. Check the statistics! And when marriage does not happen, the men will say it was because she did not submit enough.

I see like this, the concept of submission means that I because I have a vagina I need someone to lead me simply because he has a penis. Crazy right? Unlike ancient people, with data and a lot of common sense, we now know the concepts of wisdom, love and leadership do not emanate from a penis. It comes from experience, logic, intelligence, humility, and empathy.

One more thing, I am no relationship expert. Trust me I have made my mistakes, but in my 13 years of marriage I have learned marriage is not about submission. Marriage, a healthy one, is a partnership where we work together to achieve a common goal. His penis does not mean he must lead me and my vagina doesn’t mean I am obligated to follow. My opinion is just as valid as my husband’s, and his opinion is just as valid as mine. I am not second or third to any man. I don’t want to follow, and I don’t need a leader. What I do have is a partner.

What other women do is their business. I know this submission nonsense is not for me.
A veteran of a 13-year marriage

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