Black women are kicking ass in the work place. With success comes a whole bunch of crap. More like microaggressions. You can’t quite call HR on your racist coworkers because to nonBlacks what the sophisticated or dare I say “unknowing racist” says sounds innocent. But the things they say somehow makes your Blackness senses go tingle. Your first instinct is to say, “look (five letter expletive) you thought wrong” but you can’t because those loans are due and we have got to pick up Bougie Black Girl’s book, “Change Your Mind, Change Your Destiny” and Toni Morrison’s new book (YAY). Sis, we have two choices. Go mad from it or just laugh at it. I decided to laugh so here is a list of racist things only Black women deal with at work:
- Everyone expects you to be hip, strong and sassy. When you aren’t they are disappointed.
- You are supposed to know every rap song and rapper. If you don’t everyone is still disappointed but that doesn’t stop them from coming to your desk and asking anyway.
- When there is a company potluck you are expected to bring some fried chicken and people are disappointed when you bring quiche.
- That’s when your nonblack coworker eventually tells you that they are “Blacker” than you.
- And you are left wondering at your desk what the hell was the supposed to mean.
- If your hair is short one day and long the next day they try to analyze what you did to your hair. Yes, you know Black hair is magical but you don’t feel like explaining shrinkage or your latest wig.
- Just for fun you wear it “short” again and they still are amazed.
- They think you know all of the Black people (meaning that one Black person) they know.
- If you are single, it turns our they want to hook you up with the only other Black person they care to know, the security guard. That’s because they read Steve Harvey’s book and watched his show.
- They had to let you know they love Steve Harvey.
- You are expected to be the White girl coworker’s Black side kick.
- When we don’t want to, something is wrong and you just need someone to speak to.
- Who is that someone? Well they are of course.
- For some odd reason they think it is OK to call you “girl” or “girlfriend” with a half ass neck roll.
- You are thinking to yourself this is what they really think we i.e. Black people do.
- No, you really don’t care to hear about the family party she is having that you and apparently no other Black people in the office were invited to.
- But you later find out that your nonBlack coworkers were some how invited to her “family gathering.”
- You want to say “Bye Felicia” but you know she’ll end up acting like she invented the term and you’ve just reached master level code switch so you settle for saying, “I have work to do.”
- Then your White faux girlfriend tells you, they have someone they want you to meet.
- It is the office “Stephen” (see the video below, my posts on Uncle Toms and Sell Outs and Office Mammies).
- You learn the hard way that Mother Zora was right, “All my skin folk ain’t all my kin folk.”
- Eventually you become one of the Black race representatives at work.
- When discussing Black holidays i.e. Kwanzaa, MLK Day or Black History Month everyone looks to you for direction but when racial current events occur many nonBlack people avoid you.
- But that’s when that one coworker who told you, you weren’t Black enough, called you girl friend and tried to hook you up with the security guard because Steve Harvey said so they stops by your office to let you know they are not racist because they voted for Obama.
- That’s also when those nonBlacks who didn’t vote for Obama seek comfort from the office Stephen. (See video above)
- After all of that you decide to treat yourself.
- People then see it.
- That is that moment when people find out you live in a nice place, are travelling to another country, had a five star dinner or are wearing an expensive item and you can see the utter look of confusion on their face.
- And finally the joy you felt when it happened.
These are just a few. Feel free to add.
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