100 Days to A Brand New You

Black Women don’t settle. Aim high!!!

Image via girlsaimhigh.glulife.net

It seems like there is a contingent of people who want Black women to settle. We have all dealt with it. If you focus on your education, your career or business you are being bougie, uppity or think you are better than somebody else. If you have standards for a potential partner they are quick to say settle, man share or lower your standards. If you stand up for yourself you are being a b****, a hater or other derogatory words. If you want to live in a nice place they will tell you to stay in American war zones and dodge bullets, gangs and other madness for the sake of saving the community. These are all tactics used by sad but well intended people to keep you stagnant. These Jedi mind tricks are used to control you and will prevent you from living a life for yourself.

Look, for your and if you have a family, for your family’s health, wealth and safety don’t settle. Usually this settling “advice” comes from folks who may mean well but are socially, economically and politically invested in maintaining the status quo. They are looking out for their interests and not yours. So how do we avoid settling?

  • First you have to know what you want. I know how people feel about lists but how we are supposed to know what we want without one. Create one for each of the major activities in your life and set standards. Some examples are creating one for where you live or want to live, what you want to do with your life, who you want to be with, etc. In those lists set boundaries. If someone crosses the line or if a situation becomes unacceptable move on. People will know you are not playing and will respect you for it. We only behavior accept what we think we deserve and remember sis you are worthy of greatness.
  • Second, learn to trust yourself. For example, if you want to move out of a dangerous community move. If you want a new job put your resume out on job sites and see if you get responses. If you get one go for it. If you are dating someone you really don’t care for move on. Listen to that inner voice.  It is there for your protection and 99.9% of the time it is usually right.
  • Make it a habit of doing things that please you. Go hang with the girlfriends! Take that dance class. Start a new blog. Get your hair done. Buy a Groupon/Living Social massage. Go on a trip. Just take the time out to love some you.
  • Next, turn the noise off. Noise includes negative people, books, websites, etc. If we listen to something enough times we tend to believe it. Instead try focusing on things, activities and people that can help you develop as an individual and that really make you happy.
  • Then challenge yourself into doing something you always wanted to do. Start a small side hustle, write a song, or skydive. When we challenge ourselves we empower ourselves. Get empowered!
  • Finally, set a goal for yourself and aim high. When you eventually reach that goal aim even higher. You would be surprised to see how far you can go.

We must never settle for OK or just good enough. If you do you will never be happy or fulfilled. You will always search for more and usually it is in all the wrong places.. The problem isn’t that our standards are low too. People are unhappy because their standards are not high enough.  So aim high and get started living.




  1. C Johns 20 February, 2013 at 11:51 Reply

    I agree with this 100 percent, I refuse to settle for less and because of that often times I am called bougie or white girl. Or because I am 31 with no children something is wrong with me. I guess people assumed to be truly a black woman you must settled for some unemployed bum, have tons of children out of wedlock live in the ghetto and struggle. And I refuse to end up that way.

  2. CaiGirl 1 June, 2013 at 01:11 Reply

    I completely agree. I wish somebody will address how black women who aim high often can’t find a mate until later in life. I have my masters degree and I’m trying to go on for my PhD. That is a huge turn off for many men. I’m 30 without any husband potentials. Now, my primary option is to become single mother by choice because my bio clock is ticking. Many black female professors that I have met are either single or found their mate when it was too late for them to have kids. It’s frustrating.
    Another experience that I personally had was dating a black man who verbally encouraged me to go on with my education, yet did everything else to try to prevent me from finishing or enjoying my achievements. I have my own theory about this. He could be classified as a black man who was pissed to see a black woman aim high, yet was too lazy to do so himself. What they do is they sweet talk a woman that is going somewhere with her life. They encourage her, yet inside they are very angry, jealous, and emasculated because they knows they will never rise up to the plate because they doesn’t want to do the work. But, they keep her close, encourage her to work hard while managing to make her miserable. So, he reaps the benefits of her hard work and is able to satisfy his anger by keep her miserable while she tries to aim high. Can anybody validate this? Or maybe I was the only one that had this experience. But, for the top part of this comment, why is it so hard for a high achieving black woman to find a mate early on in her life?

    • DrLisa 7 July, 2014 at 15:19 Reply

      CaiGirl, I’m finishing up my Doctorate/PhD as we speak. The work is no joke, but it’s so worth it, trust me. I’m 45 with no husband potentials or prospects … nadda, zero, none … I’m all alone. For a long time I thought it was a bad thing. And guess what I found out? NO it’s not … it’s a great thing because now God can do His job without any help or interruptions from me. And becoming single mother by choice is NOT an option for me, and it never will be. Likewise, I dated Men who appeared to be OK with me pursuing my education and career, but they showed their true colors when I actually did it, and my struggles or obstacles DID NOT stop me. How did they handle it? They cheated with other women, and tried to flip the script on me, “Well if you were there for me, then I wouldn’t have cheated.” SMH
      I shared all this to encourage you to NEVER EVER give up, settle, cave in or quit. Your rewards will be so much greater than your current struggles. #SoarLikeAnEagle

  3. Tia 3 May, 2014 at 13:22 Reply

    I am so tired of people (primarily BM), telling me that “I think I’m better than them” simply because I hold myself to a particular standard, and want a particular quality of life.

    It is not ME who thinks that I am “better”, it is THEM who think I am better, and I am unapologetic about it.
    If people don’t like that I am determined to live my best life ever, I really don’t care.

    I understand that there are various factors effecting the quality of life one might be able to live, but I’m not trying to be a product of the ghetto to prove my ” blackness”, and if they want to that is their problem, not mine. *shrugs*

    • DrLisa 7 July, 2014 at 15:22 Reply

      Tia, it’s not just BM saying those things, it’s BW too. It’s interesting that I have NEVER heard this nonsense from anyone else from other ethnicities, cultures, or races. It’s ours and it’s sad. Be encouraged Tia. You got this and God’s got you. #SoarLikeAnEagle

  4. DrLisa 7 July, 2014 at 15:09 Reply

    Reading this article is like a breath of fresh air. I NEVER understand why so many people, especially Blacks/African Americans, insisting for Black Woment to settle for whatever, and then get mad at you when you refuse to do what they say, or refuse to go along to get along.
    I used to allow myself to be bothered by it, and when I finally stopped that mess, it’s like our folks want to declare World War III, IV and V. SMH
    Oh well, they’ll be alright.
    Thank you for this empowered and uplifting article.

  5. Ritchie Mayes 14 November, 2014 at 14:40 Reply

    As a BM, I agree with many of the comments posted. To those sistas working towards achieving a doctorate degree, the dating pool increases because currently, more BM earn professional degrees, as opposed to a smaller dating pool of master degree holders. That is what many will not tell BW seeking higher education. Therefore, why should you settle? I feel the same way, I won’t settle for less than I deserve. I don’t listen to distractors. I have many of the same comments regarding pursuing a doctorate degree. At 60 years of age, my response is, I have been where many are attempting to go. If you are not supporting what I am attempting to accomplish, get out of the way, or you will get ran over.

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