Health and Beauty

Your mama, grandma and elder Black women are liars: 36 things every Black woman needs to hear right now to win!


I was in a group and someone asked what advice would you give young women. Instead, I want to focus on Black women because you are my sisters. Here is the truth. Older Black women failed us. Our mothers, aunties, grandmas and elders failed us. They told us to keep our legs closed, pray all day, fix broken people, find us any ole man, pump and dump his babies, struggle, be the backbone, feel pain, and wait to die so that you can go to heaven. They’re liars and are wrong.

You see their advice sent us into the world unprepared and primed to be used and abused. Then these mothers and their sons blamed us for messing up. Why did they send us into the world unprepared? These women went through abuse, disrespect and being treated like trash. Suffering and making bad choices is supposedly our rite of passage.  Perhaps they are jealous because you have the choice to live better than they have. Who knows? All I know is not here sis and not I.

I’ve put a list together of the advice I would give any Black woman. Here are my observations based on what I have lived and seen. My views are not PC and I don’t care. I will not do what our elders did. I will tell you the truth because I love you and I want Black women and girls to have the best life possible. We sisters must stick together and protect each other. That means hearing the beautiful and the ugly. These are things Black women NEED to hear to survive and THRIVE. Put on your seat belt because this will be a bumpy and ugly ride.

  1. Accept nothing less than the best in love, your career, and in your life. That’s the key to happiness.
  2. Your past doesn’t have to be your future.
  3. Take responsibility for your life. You control your reactions, emotions, choices, body and life.
  4. Travel the world.
  5. Try everything. Even the stuff that scares you. Our fears are irrational.
  6. Date! I mean actual dating. Not this Netflix and chill trash. Netflix and chill is an option men give women so that he can get cheap booty. Give that to him and he’ll always treat you like cheap booty. Men value women who demand more.
  7. The dating stage is where he is supposed to prove his worthiness of you. If you tell a man you don’t like expensive meals, dates, etc., because you are afraid he will think you are a gold digger or you’re different from other women (who’ve probably said the same thing) he’ll always give you cheap. Again, men value women who demand more. If he gives you cheap on his best, imagine what he will do on his worst.
  8. Date all kinds of men. Pick a mate based on their actions and not potential.
  9. Stay away from broke and broken men that need to be fixed. People aren’t projects to be put together. That is what therapy is for and you aren’t a therapist.
  10. Men show us who they are. Some of us refuse to listen. After the relationship is over, we wonder why things went wrong. You just refused to listen.
  11. If a man can’t afford a date, he certainly can’t afford marriage.
  12. Never chase a man. It reeks of desperation. When you’re desperate you can be manipulated. You have the power. Use it. Let men prove they are worthy of you.
  13. If a man loves you, he will come to you with his sh** together. If not, he’s holding you back because he’s afraid you’ll find someone better.
  14. If a man asks you “what do you bring to the table” he doesn’t value womanhood and he isn’t ready for you. You are the table, forks, plates, napkins, spoons and the butter A woman’s presence instantly improves a man’s quality of life. A married man lives longer. He is healthier and happier. He has a support system. It is women who have the most to lose in marriage.
  15. If he disrespects you the first time and you let him get away with it, he will do it again. Men love to see how far you will let them go. If you set boundaries from the start and stick to them, they will not cross them.
  16. Get on birth control. Having children you can’t afford is an easy way to get in poverty.
  17. Wait until marriage to have children and make sure he is a provider. Children need more than love. I don’t give a damn what people think. Sure, some children came out fine, but why take that chance when you don’t have to. Raising children is hard and expensive as heck. Children NEED stable financial and parental support.
  18. Never forget your girlfriends while you are in a relationship. If he is gone, you’ll always have your girls’ shoulders to cry on.
  19. Have a life. Be interesting. Like I said earlier. Travel! Learn another language. Find out who you are. Finding out who you are, separates you from the masses who copy someone else. We copy others because most of us are boring
  20. Love yourself more than you love any man.
  21. Fall in love with a man who loves you more than you love him.
  22. If you can’t do any of the last 17 things, go to therapy before getting into any relationship. Fix you first.
  23. Use protection. If a partner doesn’t want to use protection, leave him. FYI, you can always use female condoms.
  24. Don’t be nice. Be polite. Don’t take anyone’s sh**.
  25. Don’t hesitate to cut toxic people out of your life. If they cared about you, they wouldn’t be toxic. These people are time wasters and energy stealers. Their purpose serves to distract you from achieving your goals. Get some ovaries and get rid of them.
  26. Don’t live in the hood. Move out. Your mental and physical health depends on it. Living in violent neighborhoods means stress and bad choices. By the way, you can’t do anything if you’re dead.
  27. Avoid helping jobs. They don’t pay well. Don’t try to save the world. Get a lucrative career and help by donating to charity.
  28. What people think about you is none of your business.
  29. Surround yourself with successful people. You are who you spend the most time with.
  30. Take a financial management class and do the opposite things poor people do when it comes to money.
  31. Buy things in cash. You will save money.
  32. If you need credit, pay your bills on time.
  33. Save as much money as possible and never spend it on or lend money to men who are not your spouse. If they have their sh** together, they shouldn’t be asking you for money.
  34. If an opportunity comes, take it. Don’t hesitate. Don’t wait. Stop worrying about family or friends. This is your life. JUST DO IT! You may never get that opportunity again.
  35. Prayer is great. Prayer without action is nothing but talk. Take action.
  36. It is a privilege for others to be in your space. Remember you deserve the best. Anything less is selling yourself short.

We Black women can’t afford to be passive. We must put ourselves first. If not, people eat you up and spit you out and then blame you for them hurting you. We must be on a ruthless pursuit of our self-actualization and happiness.

Please share this post so that Black women who need to see this can get this message. The only limit you have is the one you have placed on yourself. Think and be limitless.

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    • Tiffany 17 February, 2017 at 09:24 Reply

      Her article is using basic fugurative language; it is a hook. Her article is amazing and it is what I’ve taught my now 21 year old daughter and am beginning with my 12 year old.

  1. Avecuny 16 February, 2017 at 13:31 Reply

    Great list, and thank you. The women in my family tried to be good examples and even told me some of these things when I was younger, but sadly they didn’t live like they believed it.

    It stops with me. ‘ll be sharing this with my little sisters.

  2. Rhonda G Aubrey 16 February, 2017 at 13:53 Reply

    I am a Behavioral Heath and Addiction Counselor, and I agree with this list. Black Women are not being empowered to live, be successful and be happy. It is time for a change.

  3. Patricia Heath 16 February, 2017 at 14:55 Reply

    i love the article, but hate the title.
    they didn’t lie. they just gave you the reality they knew.
    they couldn’t tell you to boldly look any white man in the eye for example. they knew that would get you lynched or hurt.
    they couldn’t tell their man to buy them an expensive bag. they didn’t have it like that. not most of them.
    they had to band together to survive.
    but don’t sleep on them; they invented the hot grits cure for domestic abuse.
    they are your ancestors. respect them. they live in your DNA. they are YOU. build on their strength. many of them ruled the roost, quiet as it’s kept.
    it’s your job to test the limits, change with the times, and take things to the next level, building on the foundation that they gave you.

    • G. Johnson 16 February, 2017 at 22:08 Reply

      Thank you for understanding what some of my Generation of Women had to deal with ,Sound like the young woman that wrote this Article never met the Average Black Woman from any Small SoutherTown or really know the History of Black people period I am from the era of Jim Crow,My Great grandmmother was A SLAVE. The only different between Slavery and Jim Crow IT WAS AGAINST THE LAW TO SELL BLACK PEOPLE Durning Slavery Black people was’t allow to learn to READ. We haven’t aways had the RIGHTS That we have today. She throw all of US Under Bus, There so much more i could SAY about my generation of Black Women.

    • PD 17 February, 2017 at 18:11 Reply

      I agree, they did not lie to us. Times and circumstances were very different then. As time has gone on, we all have grown and evolved to know better and do better. Not all of their advice was bad either. Nothing wrong w keeping your legs closed, nothing wrong w praying etc. The title to me is a bit disrespectful and misleading because they gave advice according to what they knew. Other points I can agree w

    • Igirigi 18 February, 2017 at 02:24 Reply

      Nice words, Patricia Heath. The world is rapidly changing and so are the people. Our black mothers gave us what they think and know is the best for their children and it is best we thank them for that. Unlike this present day woman, they were confined to the four walls of the building with no rights at all.
      Their pain, sweat, perseverance and their blood laid the foundation for the modern day black woman.

      • Adrian 18 February, 2017 at 06:09 Reply

        Keep hearing that this was advice based on the time period. My mother’s, grandmother’s, etc are from that period and I still did not get any of the crazy advice on that list. I am glad that wasn’t my experience on any level. Even the prayer thing. I understand and appreciate prayer, but you better be up and taking action at the same time.

    • Carolyn Daniels 6 May, 2017 at 16:56 Reply

      Great article but it must be seasoned with real life during our Ancestors times on this blood soaked soil in America. Patricia Heath summoned it up logically and very honorably towards our Ancestors.

  4. Lola 16 February, 2017 at 16:42 Reply

    This has really got me to thinking, I have ran into these women even in my family. They have no ambitions but I have so many until “I AM ” ready to put it to work.

  5. L, Higgin 16 February, 2017 at 20:31 Reply

    You are so on point about not listening to women relatives, I myself avoid my mother family especially the women because they were bunch of toxic, bitter, male loving women. I did not like my grandmother, something about her rub me the wrong way. As for my mother if she did not have alzheimers I would have move out of state and disappear. As always this information is powerful.

  6. Shelly 16 February, 2017 at 23:04 Reply

    This was an excellent article! It was raw and real! I’m going to send it to as many young women I know so they will know the truth. We, as a people, have evolved over time. Most of our mothers and grandmothers did what they were taught. We have had the fortune to witness their struggles and mistakes. We now know better, and must do better. I don’t want to just serve everyone else and then die. There is more to life than that. Thank you for this article!

  7. Adrian 17 February, 2017 at 03:46 Reply

    Wow - kind of agree with Debra. Maybe “Our” is not the best word choice. Lots of generalizations and stereotype. Like Debra, I am very glad that this isn’t my story. We come from all backgrounds and stories. Mine was one of empowerment, self pride and confidence. Including supportive and loving romantic love. Okay - off of my story. This is your blog after all. Good for you for having the courage and dedication to get started and maintain your blog when lots of people sit and wish or think about doing something. Disagreeing without being disagreeable. Love and light! ????????

  8. Queen 17 February, 2017 at 05:36 Reply

    We are so ethnocentric, this list is contradictory. We must live in a blind society. Take a look around you as well as our history. Women today act as if the rights we have today didn’t get fought for by women before us. My advice is simple, be what you want to attract. Yes, as women we should bring something to the table. My son and brothers better not bring someone home that lacks economical fertility.

    • uniteblackfamilymore 18 February, 2017 at 08:23 Reply

      “you are the table”- lol a family is a unit, one whos goal is survival our job is to help our Dna survive on this earth. Our female ancestors did. Many if them were the glue of the families many cultures still hold these structures. The independance your purposing is only hoisted upon the shoulders of black woman. No other race of people are given a guide line for independance more than interdependance… i would have married someone like your grandmother way before i would marry you honestly. black people men and woman must be encouaged to be family-centric not me-centric. family is the table

  9. Robin Muldor 17 February, 2017 at 07:11 Reply

    I too can not appreciate the title because I was raised by someone who highly esteemed me and gave me balance of domestication and self-reliance.

    Although your list is empowering , it doesn’t emphasize the power of GOD. He is definitely key to manificient living.

    I echo what has already been stated: we live in a different time, space and mindset than that of our ancestral women and, their method of survival (they weren’t giving the opportunity to live and thrive) was an extreme bi-polar opposite to what we Black women face today.

    And to your credit, unfortunately , today in some of our sisters, the residue has been placed in their spirit so yes, they can benefit from your list…breaking ignorance.

    Thank you.

  10. Borah Reneed 17 February, 2017 at 07:14 Reply

    Oh and never pick a man based on their potential, most people never live up to their potential you will end up heart broken and disappointed, that was the first mistake I made

  11. Shirley Stephenson 17 February, 2017 at 09:11 Reply

    Dear Heart, when you KNOW BETTER YOU DO BETTER… I’m in agreement with your article, except for the blaming and shaming! Why not just empower our women with your list? Why must you qualify it with blaming/shaming the generations that came before you? If not for those STRONG WOMEN, who endured , got pass, and excelled at raising themselves and their children, with the life they were handed there would be NO YOU! You should read our history, and re-think the title, and the need to qualify a very good list that stand on it own.

    • Piper Huguley 18 February, 2017 at 09:48 Reply

      Exactly! I cannot share this article that has some great information in it because I will not shame the ancestors. Every decision they made has put me where I am right now and I will not have them be disgraced in any way. At first, I thought the article was click bait, but no, the denigration continued. The list that the author is here is good, but it’s all worthless without knowing your history.

  12. TMajor 17 February, 2017 at 09:39 Reply

    This article is very basic and bitter. You can’t stop real life experiences, whether women in our family warned us or not.

  13. Michelle D. Jackson 17 February, 2017 at 09:46 Reply

    I am disappointed by your title, your attack and shaming of Black women of yesteryear. Those women faced challenges that possibly would break some of us today. The advice given from our elder women were not lies but facts based upon the time in which they grew up. Telling a woman to keep her legs closed is not bad advice. If we are more selective of whom we lay down with perhaps some of our disappointments and heartaches could be alleviated.

    Why is praying everyday a bad thing? Praying keeps a sister in tune with God and allows for inner peace at times when there is no peace externally. It can also empower a woman to keep pressing forward to warn her fame and embrace her success.

    Your list is awesome and deserving of a better title.

  14. Gibgurl 17 February, 2017 at 09:49 Reply

    I think overall she is saying learn from our mothers mistakes and take care of yourself FIRST before the husband and kids come. I never married because I wanted to be free to do whatever I wanted, but mostly I dated men who thought they should come first before me. Another mistake I made along with my mom is spending too much money on clothes and not enough on traveling or buying property.

  15. NKnox 17 February, 2017 at 10:02 Reply

    You don’t have to throw our elders under the bus to make a point. They may not have had full on psychology sessions with us but they were VERY wise. It is because of them that we are here. BAD choice of title. Their ENDURANCE back then is our EMPOWERMENT today.

    • Leona Mae 17 February, 2017 at 10:16 Reply

      I agree with you about the article title being so disrespectful. Please learn to love who you are, and where you have been that has brought you to where you are Now. Our grandmother’s have been through enough, don’t disrespect them! No need to grab attention with such disdain for your ancestry. Otherwise, very valid and honest golden nuggets that all young women need to learn.

  16. Braff 17 February, 2017 at 10:31 Reply

    I’ll say this much… the advice certainly reflects the name of the site. Taken at face value a lot of this advice is objectively pretty bad.

  17. Lia 17 February, 2017 at 10:34 Reply

    The title is a little harsh HOWEVER, I get why she chose to use it. Reading the comments from some folks it seems they missed the point of the article focusing on the title. It was meant to draw you in so you could receive the information (her opinion, which isn’t law…Just an opinion lol) anyway, she makes wonderful points. Good advice to live by.

  18. EdGapCloser 17 February, 2017 at 10:59 Reply

    This title breaks my heart. We are the ONLY culture that fights one another from within. My elders were abused, they were mistreated, they were broken in SOME aspects HOWEVER they are the ONLY group of women that would walk for miles instead of paying or riding a bus that segregated them. They are the ONLY group of women that I KNOW who got sprayed by water hoses, chased by dogs, spat at, and would lay it all on the line for the injustices faced by their color. They are the ONLY group of magnificent women I know that unapologetically said I was ‘Young Gifted and Black’.
    So young Sis’ I get you want a hook and want likes however the divide that you are creating with this title is very ‘Willie Lynch’ be careful. I will end with this : the previous generation is not suppose to give us ALL the answers they are suppose to pass down their wisdom and every generation thereafter we is suppose to get better and do better. They did NOT lie they gave us the GEMS of their generation.

  19. MrsEsq 17 February, 2017 at 11:48 Reply

    Anyone who read the title of the article and came on here to bash the author without actually reading the list (your comments betray you), should be ashamed.

    Her title is obviously click bait, her list is a comprehensive guide to how to be a healthy, functioning, successful adult. There is a lot to read between the lines.

    As a married attorney, I’ve had a lot of older black women give me advice that was well-intended, but wrong. I was respectful and polite and kept working on MY GOALS. The author does NOT in any way denigrate the culture before ours by saying that that way is not the way to a healthy happy life. How many of us have watched a mom, aunt, step-mom, or “play auntie” wither away and die on the inside from twisting herself around like a pretzel to keep an “ain’t sh*t” man? *Raises hand*

    Even in my mom’s generation, my father and step father were absolutely horrific. I don’t judge my mom: her father was equally bad. However, I am not fool enough to take marriage advice from her, though I married the only boyfriend she ever liked. You have to know what you can take and what you have to leave.

    Number 22 is the one a lot of commenters are missing. Sadly, the ones angriest about this list are likely the single ones dealing with these exact things that don’t know HOW to fix themselves so they hate on the ones of us who are brave enough to try.

    The point of this is: be brave. We live in a new world.

    The point was NOT that our mothers, grandmothers, and aunties were hateful or malevolent. They spoke from their experience. Do you want to live their experience? I thought not.

    • EdGapCloser 17 February, 2017 at 12:17 Reply

      I read the comments no one is “bashing” the author. We are asking that she be more careful as a black woman who uses words to “bait” people. We do not want our audience to truly believe that their elders were “liars”. What some of you fail to understand is your interpretation of being a “well-balanced” woman is RELATIVE. I do not agree with all 36 does that make the author a “liar” for giving that advice, No. I don’t believe it was our elders intent to mislead us. They handed us the gems of their times. If we know better now, cool do better! To say that that they were liars implies malice intent. Word choice is important i.e. “relative facts”

  20. Zabrina Horton 17 February, 2017 at 13:57 Reply

    I get why she chose that title. To get us to read it! And we did! And I’m going to share with my sisters so they will read it to! Thank you for this!

  21. Adrienne 17 February, 2017 at 14:46 Reply

    I would like to chime in with my thoughts on this piece. I really appreciate that the writer encourages other black women to wrest themselves from the weight of respectability politics and claim control over their lives. It’s necessary that we try to live on our own terms as much as possible given the world we live in. Still, I take issue with the derisive tone directed toward black women of the past. The women the author speaks of had either to endure Jim Crow racism or its legacy in which their bodies, their daughters’, their mothers’, their sisters’ and every other black woman they knew were considered sexually accessible and always consenting. Aside from avoiding sexual violence, they had to survive life when threats of lynching and accusations of being uncivilized were day-to-day realities more often than they weren’t. Many believed that equality would come if they proved themselves as qualified for civil rights. To be sure, respectability politics are a problem. But from the late nineteenth and throughout the twentieth century, these women believed these suggestions would offer their daughters at least some protection from sexual violence. It’s unfair for us to ridicule them for admonishments that were part of a larger system of sexual and racial violence in this country.

  22. Latoya Shauntay Snell 17 February, 2017 at 14:46 Reply

    Frankly, 85 percent of this article made me cringe from start to finish, particularly in the first two paragraphs. Sure, I understand that people might assume that the title was click bait but the title was exactly what it was: A bunch of stereotypes.

    This article lumped up generations of black women into one ridiculous stereotype and you have the audacity to speak ill on a period that you nor I ever lived through. Have you really sat down and talked with these elders that you speak of? The b/s that people endured for centuries was simply done from most because of survival and the era that they lived in.

    In 2017, we are STILL breaking barriers established by men who shame us from how we act, how we dress to what we eat and you contributed to some of these disgusting associations. I am deeply disturbed by your comments from your first two paragraphs alone.

    I really could give two bits of a damn about PC either but most of your bullet points sound like it came out of some point of hurt that you haven’t healed from. It’s like you made these mistakes or watched a person who was close to experience something that they couldn’t recover from and decided to share a bunch of misguided rants disguised as upliftment for black women.

    Suggesting a man to not question what you bring to the table when you are loaded with bullet points of him needed to meet these expectations is nothing but laughable. Don’t you question a potential mate about what they offer for you? Wait, you just have to run a background check on him first and make sure he’s not flawed first so he won’t ask about you. Right… Everyone has some form of baggage, emotional scars and something that’s deemed as potential. You make a mockery out of being human. Not everyone is worthy of your time but some folks need time to become the complete package. I just hope that you’re an android who never make a mistake because when a man hold you to this same list, I hope you NEVER question why he feels this way or toss you to the side walk.

    This article was nothing more than two notches above a reality TV show stereotype trying to give me advice on how to grab and keep a man while her best friend is too busy having sex with him in the next scene.

    I’m sure many will curse me out after this is posted but hey, it is what it is. You spit on female ancestors, making a mockery out of things that they had to endure because it may have been the only thing that they were taught in order to survive. It’s hurtful and shameful. This article was completely terrible because there are a handful of things I agree with but most of it made me side eye 3000 miles away.

    P.S. Moving out of the hood is NOT a solution. Perhaps this is all our ancestors could afford. It is up to us and the following generations to make it better. No need to be a therapist to figure it out. Just make sure when the hood isn’t the hood anymore, don’t try to come back and enjoy its new benefits. I hope other blog posts from you aren’t like this but I’ll actually try to give it a chance before passing judgment off of who you are as a person. This was just me being very critical of your article.

    • Uba 19 February, 2017 at 03:16 Reply

      Spot on! Seems to me the article is written in bad taste. How do you denigrate those before you so much without taking their unique experiences into account? How do you see a problem with a man vetting you for what you bring to the table but then spend a gazillion bullet points reeling out what conditions same man must satisfy before they get your ‘approval’. I feel for any lady that would adopt this self-centric world view hook line and sinker.

    • Cornelius Clark 19 February, 2017 at 07:47 Reply

      To actually play on the stereotypical images of self hatred troubles me. It suggests that we believe the narrative that black women are always the victim of black men and not the reality of the systematic construct that becomes self fulfilled destruction of the black family. Black women historically need to be revered and honored for their labor of love but many modern young women have not earned the right to sit at the table and be likewise honored. Thropies are for those who have put in the work and earned their medals. You only need to have one King to crown you his Queen and vice versa and to mature to the point that you learn how to test a relationship before you trust a relationship will prevent the bitterness that is toxic in our community. Learn to empower without negativity; without alternative facts and with legacy in mind that improves you and the whole fabric of our family. As a pint of reference Hidden Figures is a great template.

    • Brandy Williams 9 May, 2017 at 18:25 Reply

      Thank you for your comment, Latoya! You took the words out of my mouth! One of the greatest struggles we now face, is the inability to be less ego centric and unify. This “article” is the antithesis of what WE, as a culture, need. I wasted 3 minutes of my life on this tomfoolery.

  23. Sonya 17 February, 2017 at 18:40 Reply

    I don’t know what Black women she was raised by but my mother,grandmother, aunts, or any other Black woman I know told me that crap she listed in the first paragraph. And news flash all the items she listed been doing that for years and then some. It’s nothing new. Good article for those who don’t know any better. Nothing new for me. A lot of it is common sense.

  24. CourtsDope 17 February, 2017 at 18:42 Reply

    This article was nice but I don’t know any women that taught their daughters this way…. great advice but most young black women are already living this way. ALSO praying is ALWAYS step one prior to taking action. I agree with majority of her list, but some of the things she says actually sets us back from the the stand point of women who are fighting for equality.

  25. Lyric Nolan 17 February, 2017 at 20:06 Reply

    I like what she said, even though it was never shared with me, but I have heard this from other grandmothers & other mothers that came from that environment. Ijs, is take more face value of life & as a women, you don’t have to live their lives. Over the years I actually evaluated my mother’s live and kind of understood her path. I personally chose not to go down that road, but no matter how much we try we are still somewhat of our mother and/or grandmother, but it’s up to you to make the change for you & not dwell on their past.
    To the author keep doing what you do! I can take that title, if that’s how you feel roll with if not fine, just understand her thoughts & feeling. Do what works for you!

  26. Nik 17 February, 2017 at 20:54 Reply

    Fabulous list, however, for numbers 7 and 27 my thoughts are: women should require the best from men as is the case that men in pursuit should give the best, however, one is NOT contingent upon the other. Let us not always place value in material and/or superficial things.

    As for careers: some people are called to service and if this is their passion or love, then they should do i! Albeit low-paying…Perhaps one can supplement their income with something else. There are too many high paid miserable people in the world also, on the flip side.

    Peace and love, my sisters!

  27. AN OLD BLACK WOMEN 17 February, 2017 at 21:09 Reply

    What ever those old black women told you it went in one ear and out the other. subscribed !!! You are a joke

  28. John 17 February, 2017 at 21:54 Reply

    How dare you disrepect my strong black female ancestors. If it had not been for them you would not even be in a position to write this article

  29. Can We All Get Along 17 February, 2017 at 23:24 Reply

    I love it.She telling the truth.Who ever disagree haven’t live life, or even Experience life with These type of Men’s.That’s Why we have so many T.H.O.T out here.Their Mother’s or Grandmother’s haven’t taught them anything.I will say,Stay prayerful.Keep your legs close for your husband.Dont have baby by men’s who won’t Married you.Real Women’s stick together,While little girls that think they are a woman, will not listens to a Real Women. Real Women’s LISTEN’S to Each Other, and know how to get Along!!!!

    • CourtsDope 18 February, 2017 at 00:09 Reply

      I agree with both ends! I do not respect the fact that all of our black female ancestors were basically categorized as women who are/were this way!!! I am 24 years old (not very old, yes I know) however! My mother, grandmother and EVERY BLACK FEMALE educator, mentor, church member, etc have NEVER encouraged me to live my life in the matter that the author has described. Now if this article was written in my grand mother’s prime it would have served great purpose. However, this isn’t the case. The past generations (including mine) are filled with INCREDIBLE BLACK WOMEN and we are here because of our AMAZING mothers and grandmothers who have movtivted us to be who we are right now. Also, this list is filled with principles that we have been instilled with for many many years. Maybe it’s just me, or maybe it’s my generation. I’m unsure. I’ve shared this with my coworkers, friends , aunts and both my grandmother and mother (not to mention they are both educated with successful marriages AND they have “helping” careers. My grandmother was a school teacher for 33 years and my mother owns her own company helping elderly people and people with mental illness.) and they all stated that this may have come from times from when my grandmother wasn’t my age.

      Also, we were ALL (male, female, white, purple, and BLACK are on earth to HELP one another.) Strengthen each other. If you aren’t here to HELP then what is your purpose?

  30. ChildofhteKing 18 February, 2017 at 01:07 Reply

    Some of these points make sense but a great deal of them won’t work if you are a child of the King Jesus. Some are down right wrong! I can’t highlight all of them for times sake but:Looking at the picture I would say the further back you go the closer to God people were. !.The key to life is happiness in Jesus
    Psalms 37:4 - Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.3. We control nothing 1 Corinthians 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own. 8. I’ve known men who started with nothing and if their mates hadn’t seen their potential and stuck it out with them who knows where they would be now. Like Ralph Lauren wife. Judges 6:

  31. TRR 18 February, 2017 at 01:26 Reply

    I think this list rocks! This is the first time seeing this publication. You shouldn’t rule out the guys with potential though. Dr. King was plain old Martin before Mrs. King pumped life into him. Be careful with resume guys too. They look great on paper but in real life not fun to be with. If a man or woman is going to disrespect you, they do that because of them not you. You are not “letting” them do or say anything. Seriously, as long as he loves you and says so first, you’re good. Most guys do not throw the L word around and a true loving companion will love you whether you are nice or crappy. When a guy picks a woman, he does it because she is what he needs. It has less to do with rules and more to do with your role in his life and heart. Plus you need to be friends. The divorce rate is as it is due to the lack of understanding for the other person. Plus some people have their roles mixed up! Men are men! Their testosterone levels are often 1000X more plentiful than women.

  32. Maxine Shaw, attorney-at-LOL 18 February, 2017 at 01:59 Reply

    Disrespectful, bombastic, heteronormative to the point of near-irrelevancy, and ENTIRELY too long. If this is what being a bougie black girl is, thank God I’m not one.

  33. Eddie 18 February, 2017 at 06:23 Reply

    This post is a highway to being single and staying single. Most of you all who think like this sister will never find a husband because you want to be the husband. A king wants to marry a queen. If you want to be successful……follow the commandments.

  34. Thatgirl123 18 February, 2017 at 08:18 Reply

    I was raised by my grandmother and yes she did teach me how to pray. And she also taught me how to have respect myself and keep my legs closed. But, she also taught me not to settle “don’t put all my eggs in one basket”, to work hard and achieve my goals “God bless the child that has his own” and to save a little something for myself in a relationship for myself “don’t always let the left hand what the right hand is doing.”

  35. Wow! 18 February, 2017 at 08:22 Reply

    I was going to share this article on FB, but I always read the content before I post

    This has been the most resented thing I’ve ever read.

    You bash the ancestors, then you make a long list of bashing men. Some of the best men I know do not desire spending money on frivolous things like expensive dates for strangers who end up not contributing to the table in an equal fashion and these guys have their life completely together.

    Men aren’t put here on this earth to show you their material worth. Just as women aren’t. If you judge anyone on their worth given to them by someone else then you’ll be in for a rude awakening when someone pulls that plug. Find men who value principle, not money and looks and maybe you wouldn’t have that male hurt that you have written about in this article

    This article (and website title) is based on classism, (the nice version of racism that everybody can participate in) and we don’t need anymore “ism” in the world. We’re already separated by enough of them

  36. CJ 18 February, 2017 at 09:07 Reply

    Though you offer some very constructive advice for many women, what you insinuate is that situations Black women might find themselves in are sprung from lessons older Black women intentially instructed their daughters in. With growth, maturity, and experience throughout the life span, people can do better, teach their children better. Shaming Black women’s experience of development is in poor taste. The title is not only “bait” but is divisive, something WE Black women don’t need.

    And as a psychotherapist (someone in a “helping” profession) it’s both sad and hypocritical for you to say “see a therapist” and yet avoid working in a helping profession. You clearly fail to see the impact of your words.

  37. Jason 18 February, 2017 at 09:27 Reply

    This is a great article on how to be single and financially secure for years. This in no way shape or form represents the unity of the black family or the intention to build with someone. Ladies, please don’t listen to this author.

  38. Tawana 18 February, 2017 at 09:41 Reply

    This list is on point !!! As a married black mom at 36 I still needed to hear these words again. It def refueled my purpose and being . Thank you for the real! I also try to lift up as many of these to my young sisters as they take this life journey. So glad to know there are many of us out there doing the same!

  39. Lamont 18 February, 2017 at 10:20 Reply

    Probably the worst list I’ve ever read and if any woman I meet behaves this way I’m running away. I don’t even want someone that can bear to finish reading the list. I want a woman that values herself AND me. One that appreciates we are equal and that we are mutually blessed to have each other and the company of people that care about us.

  40. Cassandra 18 February, 2017 at 10:59 Reply

    I understand she does not mean every ancestress and all the time telling lies. She speaks to the lack of change needed to deal with the ever changing hostile environment we find ourselves in the USA. She means start your girls out making decisions that put them in the best position for education, career, spiritual life and creating a home. And this can be achieved with or without men.

  41. Mary Hawthorne 18 February, 2017 at 12:50 Reply

    Almost didn’t read, because of the Title!! This is On Point!! But, my Mama gave me this same advice!! So my Mama anddddd Many, Many Other Older Black women were not liars!!

  42. Patricia Sims 18 February, 2017 at 12:55 Reply

    Don’t you think calling them “liars” is a little harsh? To say that they lied would insinuate they INTENTIONALLY tried to deceive us. But I don’t think that that was their intention at all. I mean they were giving advice according to THEIR world. They had seen and been through; things that to this day we cannot fathom. And because they seen no chance of a change and no help, for all intents and purposes their thought was this was the way it will always be. They were giving us advice more about how to survive, but not LIVE. Because they themselves had not. And you can’t give advice on what you don’t know. We now live in a world many of them would never see and more could only dream and pray for. I thank them for all advice given because I now know what NOT to do and what could happen again if we don’t value ourselves and fight for what we know is right for us now. Liars, no. Speaking out of fear and survival; yes. But even in their world you had to be more than strong to make it through. So what I take from their advice is strength. And its up to me, to US to take it to the next level.

  43. Kisha 18 February, 2017 at 13:22 Reply

    I understand your passion to uplift and inspire black sisters. I cannot comprehend your condemnation of our ancestors. Yes when you know better, do better. Now if you, yourself had personal issues with the ladies who taught you, than make that point plain. I also take complete offense with your statement regarding, “help” careers. Since you are helping the black sisters, advise them to do what they love and be the best and most successful at it. My sista, I personally feel you give bougie a bad name with this article. I’ll read your post when you have actually lived and watched others live differently than you, yet successful.

  44. Asia 18 February, 2017 at 13:35 Reply

    This article has its dumb points.

    “A man will respect you if youbdo such and such, and wont if you do such and such.”

    If his respect is conditional and you have to twist and turn yourself to please him, its a no

  45. Patra 18 February, 2017 at 15:50 Reply

    Wonderful piece/instructions for Black women, young and age-matured, This is to be revisited throughout a woman’s life, periodically. Ladies, don’t forget, read it Periodically.

    Print it out & put it in a real go-to place or some place.where it can be easily seen.

    To the author of this wonderful piece, something to think about. Those mothers, grandmothers, aunts, older women, etc. of generations before, I don’t think they betrayed us. They gave to us what they got-nothing, accept those negatives you wrote of in the beginning this piece. (Please understand, I never speak in absolutes; so this is not to say all women of previous generations feed us negative expectations of how to be a woman.

    So, I say, consider the facts of the times they lived, the culture, expectation of norms of their generation. I propose, unfortunately, they gave us what they were given. Try not to be angry with the women of a generation(s) ago, for they did the best that they could. Forgive them and have mercy on them for what they went through, lived through.

    The beautiful thing is that we have evolved with time and many of us women know better/different now; so we can pass words of wisdom, love, and understanding on how to be the best women you can be, as you have done in this article.


  46. Veronica 18 February, 2017 at 16:03 Reply

    I still believe in some of the standard from women of my older generation. There us nothing wrong with keeping your legs closed until the right person comes on o your life, and loaning money to remember your partner when they are always in your corner, the comment about poorer people in relationships just don’t add up to me, what happened to A woman & man working together to build an strong foundation for their family.

  47. HARMONY365 18 February, 2017 at 16:35 Reply

    You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Writing this bullshit. My grandmother maised me. A black woman. And one, u don’t ever disrespect ur elders calling them Liars ! Number two, just because ur ancestors didn’t expect anything better for you, DON’T put that on other Black women. My ancestors worked hard to make sure I knew I was More than a fix for broken people and she damn sure didn’t say to find us any ole man, pump and dump his babies, struggle, be the backbone, feel pain, and wait to die so that you can go to heaven. This is sad. You Speak for yourself.

  48. dmalikat 18 February, 2017 at 17:45 Reply

    I completely agree with this list. If you are offended then you are the women she’s addressing. This is safe advice take heed and stop hating so got damn much and pay attention to the message. Shit!

  49. Olivia Linzy 18 February, 2017 at 19:04 Reply


  50. Myrna Moore 18 February, 2017 at 23:04 Reply

    I think this article speaks a lot of truth maybe not for everybody but for a lot of us it does! This appear to be too truthful for some…the truth hurts

  51. Lillie Adams McClaud 19 February, 2017 at 00:13 Reply

    I love the article and yes it was harsh but it had to be to get us to we do not get anything on a silver platter. We have to work hard of getting what we want out of life. If that mean standing up and being the head of your home to survive. Be the head.

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  53. Love 19 February, 2017 at 02:44 Reply


    • Lauren 6 May, 2017 at 00:14 Reply

      Actually, there are *plenty* of men who have such qualities. If you really think it is that unbelievable, then you need to change your social circle. Pronto. Leave Blackistan and head out into the greater global village.

  54. Michael Bryant 19 February, 2017 at 03:06 Reply

    Satan tempted Eve to believe that she could disobey God,do her own thing,and still come out on top,and better herself.I notice that God is not on the list,though religion absolutely should not be.Many of the things on this could be considered prudent,and the bible says that a prudent wife is of the Lord.Outside of the Lord,none of these things in and of themselves are able to provide peace.

  55. Robin 19 February, 2017 at 06:43 Reply

    First off great read. It had to be read with an open mind. Even though the title is tough to swallow (good hook). I was blessed to have been taught some of theee survival lessons. I may not agree with everything but there is plenty to teach our young girls about self worth.

    It’s also good to mention that its okay to be single. We don’t educate to get to know yourself and to enjoy the alone time. I find that interesting that people struggle with that. But again thank you.

  56. Lakasha 19 February, 2017 at 07:32 Reply

    Sorry honey but mothers have been telling their daughters what you say your theroy is. Well i know my momma did. She never ever told me to be submissive to any man. I was always told dont expect nothing but the best and never bow down to a man. Be my own person and never let a man dictate who i am. Just cause you like a person dont become just anybodys babymomma. I grew up in a house with my mother and father and 3 sibilings. When i tell you my dad could not miss a beat in thr 2 step. She was a strong black woman and dod not let my dad dictate her life.

  57. Areisha 19 February, 2017 at 07:58 Reply

    I love this article , it’s not as powerful as my own views.. but it is great. My thoughts are … just as the Men portion of the article is right on , and true ..
    I see most women find strength and confidence in these figures of men .. it discusses me , but black women I’ve worked with has deadly jealousy issues they would do what ever they can to stop your achievement my there isn’t a lot of powerful black women in attitude in this small city our in general .now today this world as taking its turn.
    And I’m not sure what the word black woman will be next????

  58. Cornelius Clark 19 February, 2017 at 08:03 Reply

    To actually play on the stereotypical images of self hatred troubles me. It suggests that we believe the narrative that black women are always the victim of black men and not the reality of the systematic construct that becomes self fulfilled destruction of the black family. Black women historically need to be revered and honored for their labor of love but many modern young women have not earned the right to sit at the table and be likewise honored. Thropies are for those who have put in the work and earned their medals. You only need to have one King to crown you his Queen and vice versa and to mature to the point that you learn how to test a relationship before you trust a relationship will prevent the bitterness that is toxic in our community. Learn to empower without negativity; without alternative facts and with legacy in mind that improves you and the whole fabric of our family. As a pint of reference Hidden Figures is a great template.

  59. Litesugar 19 February, 2017 at 09:13 Reply

    Hi, I just tried to donate using your link and got an error twice. Look into your link, you deserve every dime. ….. Update, was able to donate when I read the article via the web and not Facebook.

  60. Cedric Chiles 19 February, 2017 at 09:30 Reply

    Those “liars” the article speaks of were of an infinitely higher moral center than women now. Their strong sense of Afrocentrism doesn’t jibe with the Negropean mindset of some women today, so it’s easier to just discredit them. While there are positive portions of this list, as a whole it reeks of materialism and narcissism. The funny thing is- men globally revere the attributes of those women over the mess seen now. If you think he(non-Black men) is going to bring something other Michelle Obama or Ayesha Curry home, you’re delusional. Black women then were the foundation, now they’re just a fetish.

  61. Black Queen 19 February, 2017 at 10:58 Reply

    If you understand the url name for this site, you will understand the writer’s disrespectful, unapologetic article of our ancestors who was beaten and treated like animals due to.the color of their skin. We know the truth and ugly truths, but the article undermines any positive message she tried to convey.


  62. Doris 19 February, 2017 at 21:52 Reply

    I personally didn’t care for her advice and the tone of her words were a complete turn off. Thanks for your advice..but I am going to leave it here.

  63. The Mrs. 19 February, 2017 at 23:09 Reply

    *sigh* I hate to say it, but black women who follow the advice of this article are often unmarried and not by choice. These same “black queens” are the very reason so many black men have gone in search or a “white (or other) princess”. This is not what men want. Not at all. It will attract some and hold their attention for a while, but it is very rare to find longevity in relationships consisting of women with these thought processes unless you’re dealing with a certain type of man. (It would take too long to describe him here.)The “independent woman” is killing the black family. Independence signifies being alone. It’s a term used to describe someone or something that is isolated. Marriage signifies unity and being part of a team. How can you be alone/isolated and part of a unified team at the same time?

    • PC 20 February, 2017 at 09:16 Reply

      Slavery; Jim Crow; Slave Codes are all abolished but the mindset left behind has continued to present day…”divide and conquer” at the very expense of exposing yourself to the temporary protection of self, versus creating the environment that makes families flourish and provide protective factors for each individual to reach maximum potential. Positive attitudes and Unity builds futures, this negative self-love breeds pain.

  64. Andrea Harrington 20 February, 2017 at 01:26 Reply

    Doing what was necessary for a generation to make it through to the next generation is what our Mothers and Grandmothers are guilty of, but liars are far from the legacy they leave with me. I don’t know where you got your opinion but just like buttholes everybody got one. Some of your list is even cute but I was totally turned off by your tone and your place of blame.

  65. Queen Alford 20 February, 2017 at 06:15 Reply

    Sisters don’t forget you are a spirit being first. We are on this Earth to experience, learn, love, heal, share, understand… We are not here to take on or ageee to beliefs (some in this article) that do not serve us. Living in a society not created for the uplifting or success of the Black Woman or Black Man. This article offers some perspectives that can be learned from, but like many have said we are our ancestors. Down to our genetic makeup, we look like our great great great grandparents. My husband found me before he knew me because he fasted, mediated, and prayed, for the woman he wanted. I created a list and meditated on who and what I desired for my mate. That’s the energy you send out to attract what you want in life, love, finances, whatever! This is also the energy that honors where you come from. This is the legacy you leave for your children. Once you send out this, energy you do take action! The truth is I am a Creator and only agree to the beliefs that identify my best and communities well being. Stay the course and continue to pull back the layers to reveal your truest form. Peace.

  66. nadz 20 February, 2017 at 07:36 Reply

    While I agree with some of those encouraging points and agree that there areas we have to build in for sure I strongly disagree with quite a few. Did they lie though? Beacuase most of what you just mentioned was taught to me by all the stronger women who surrounded my life and continue to do so. They also taught that ina relationship two hands clap and its about helping each other in time of need and unless we talking about arranged marriages during going steady and so on thats usually where we decide that I am gonna marry this man or woman. See everyone live different lives. When I do have a child daughter or son I will teach him/her that decision making is very much geared toward situations especially relationship wise.

  67. Desiree J 5 May, 2017 at 15:44 Reply

    Lots of angry men one here. May I also say…don’t be shamed for being single. Especially by single men. Marriage is not the end all be all. While she is right, married men do live longer than single men, it is the exact opposite for women. Single women live longer. Once they can’t use single as an insult……they will stop trying to guilt you into accepting less. Single and happy is better than married and miserable because people tell you there is something wrong with it.

  68. LJS 5 May, 2017 at 16:32 Reply

    I’m married (going on 20 years) and I agree with the list. The only bitter people I see are the commenters who clearly missed the point and want to nitpick the obviously click baity title.

    I’m so glad more young black women are waking up and realizing what a burden it is to be the backbone of an entire community. That was never supposed to be our job, we did it because we had to, or were told we had to. Young black women are realizing that self preservation and self care are vital to our survival. I’m not raising a mule. I’m raising a smart young woman who has the world at her fingertips.

    Thank you BBG for being honest and actually having black women’s best interests at heart.

  69. Deanna 6 May, 2017 at 09:53 Reply

    No one else felt that #27 (avoiding helping careers) was a bit much? As an international educator with 10 years of my experience teaching in the states I know the financial struggle all too well. However, we better hope to continue to have people who look like us in positions to teach us and help us. There is a different kind of magic that happens in classrooms when teachers “get” the students and gain their trust. Who else are we counting on to teach us about us. Maybe we should use our collective voice to demand better pay for people in service based industries.

  70. Noelle 6 May, 2017 at 11:05 Reply

    Avoid helping jobs? Boo Boo, what do you think the therapist, to whom you referred people who can’t do #1 - 17, does? You could have simply said “value yourself” and saved us all a LOT of time from reading that article that was aimed at heterosexual women with low self-esteem. I found it more useful for, perhaps, several wives of a polygamist.

  71. May 6 May, 2017 at 20:48 Reply

    YES! Your right . This really comes down to one thing. Self love and high self esteem! The greatest love of all

  72. Nicklie 6 May, 2017 at 21:10 Reply

    Seems like the people who get mad are the ones who lack self love. They mad because of everything they couldnt do for themselves and poor treatment. Life cheated and wasted. It’s like this hits a deep nerve to them

  73. Ja-Nahesi 7 May, 2017 at 10:50 Reply

    Okay, here is some advice to the person and people I’m sure mean well when they take to pen and paper (or fingers and keyboard) and publish things like this. NOT EVERYONE IS HETEROSEXUAL. NOT ALL BLACK WOMEN ARE ONLY SEARCHING FOR A MALE PARTNER. Please, please, PLEASE be inclusive to all black women who you aim to help us and we are obviously your main audience of choice when you write pieces like these. It is 2017 and this just can’t go on. WE EXIST. And little do you know, when you don’t included us in pieces like these you are just perpetuating this narrative that being gay or lesbian is abnormal - when really we should be encouraging one another, ESPECIALLY BLACK WOMEN, to FIND A PERSON WHO LOVES YOU FOR YOU. In about 50-100 years people are going to look back at us like, “Wow most people back then, in 2017, really still pushed this idea that you could only fall in love and live a fulfilling life with the opposite gender. How primitive.” This whole comment is probably coming off more hostile than I intended, but I just had to rant/speak my mind at the moment because I am so sick of not seeing black queer women included in anything mainstream. So when I get excited to read articles like these because, I am in fact a black woman dedicated to anything supporting us, I am so disappointed at the non-inclusive language that is being used - we don’t all want or desire to find this “man” you speak of.

    • nml 9 May, 2017 at 09:01 Reply

      totally got the heterosexist piece….however too not all of us are into being partnered so the asexuals are left out (even by the LGBTQ folks) AND not all of us are religious - which this piece also reeks of as well…

  74. Bev Jones 7 May, 2017 at 13:40 Reply

    I love the article. It identifies all the things that we as women should have been told and those things should have been constantly instilled in us. Anyone who follows the content of your article will realize success.

  75. bess 8 May, 2017 at 00:55 Reply

    Thpugh I was born in West Africa, I find your advice insightful. I didnt like the title, but it prompted me to click and read the article and the list. I read it twice and would read it again. What you said is factual. My mother never taught me much, I have to learn most things about myself, men and the world through try and error and I have been greatly brused by that. Thank you for the list. They are meaniful and piognant I will read it again to absolve the wisfom.

    Thank you

  76. bess 8 May, 2017 at 00:57 Reply

    Though I was born in West Africa, I find your advice insightful. I didnt like the title, but it prompted me to click and read the article and the list. I read it twice and would read it again. What you said is factual. My mother never taught me much, I have to learn most things about myself, men and the world through try and error and I have been greatly brused by that. Thank you for the list. They are meaniful and piognant I will read it again to absolve the wisdom.

    Thank you

    • pbeas 8 May, 2017 at 10:33 Reply

      I can definitely relate to you and agree with you on the title of this article. My mother didn’t teach or prepare me for things I should have been ready for. It’s a generational curse, so to speak, in my family that I am breaking with my daughters.

  77. Jermaine Luckett 8 May, 2017 at 06:45 Reply

    I’m happy to a woman trying to teach women to be strong, but as a man I can say some of this is bs. It’s true that I love a woman with ambition, but no man wants a demanding woman. I don’t care if we meet at McDonald’s or a 5 star restaurant. You will be treated the same. Be careful of the instructions that come from others who immediately ask for money afterwards. When dating, both of you are testing eachother. Most men, who aren’t just chasing a thrill, want someone we can build a home with. Be strong, get a good job, give to charity. All of those are great. But remember, charity and life are about more that just money. Just be yourself; let you true king see you for who you truly are. Happiness comes from within. Find your happiness and have no doubt, your Boaz will find you.

  78. Bayo 8 May, 2017 at 08:14 Reply

    I read all 36 things and although there are some universal truths in this list, some of the key points are some of the worst advice to give any woman and/or person. Coming from the name of this site, this points a totally disagree with is the same reason the word bougie black girl totally irks me.

  79. Jon T 9 May, 2017 at 00:56 Reply

    This is a how to he single guide. Make sure a man love you more than you love him? That’s like both of us having the same job and I’m giving 100% and your giving 70 and we’re getting paid the same.. so many falsehoods in this article. If a man ask you what you bring to the table he doesn’t value woman hood? There is no eating at the table if your bringing nothing to it! Your expecting everything without willing to give anything.. you don’t want a husband.. you want a trick.

  80. nml 9 May, 2017 at 08:56 Reply

    Not sure what kind of black women you were around, but mine were bad-ass for their time….

    the lack of self-love is real for many I guess. To each their own.

    The title is tasteless and cheap….

    and your list is heterosexists and religious as they come and that’s THE PROBLEM.

    Essentially - 1-5,16,19, 30-36 are about doing and becoming your best self, because with your best self, you will want a best mate —-or not 😉 .

    Love and self-respect goes both ways…..and instead of prayer - how about a spiritual grounding…..

  81. Monique 9 May, 2017 at 12:34 Reply

    Sigh….to all of the women downing this article…open your minds. This is a reality for a LOT of black women. Instead of making comments like “this list is tasteless…” just say “you can’t relate to these issues”. It’s ok to disagree with someone without being disrespectful…GEEZ.

    While I have followed most of them, I know a lot of women who didn’t and I will share the list in hopes that it can help someone.

    • nml 9 May, 2017 at 13:03 Reply

      calling them liars IS tasteless……if it was meant for some black women, then note it - b/c I would disagree that this is ” a reality for a lot of black women.” IT IS NOT…. Just like all black women do not wear hair weaves…

      To broad broad stroke and suggest all of our slave ancestors (at least in this country) were liars IS tasteless….it was truth in their time…..and it has gotten us to this point…..lets dig deep, get a sense of spirituality and move forward with life……

  82. Zlove 10 May, 2017 at 05:48 Reply

    I’m not sure who her elders are but the assumption that all black women’s elders lied is stupid. She lost me there. Then I went back to read her rants. Most of which I learned from my mothers mother (grandmother) and my fathers sister ( aunt) shame for her to denigrate the elders. Really a shame to do that in order to capture the attention of the audience.

  83. Terry 10 May, 2017 at 21:23 Reply

    Okay, here’s some food for thought…
    The majority of what a person learns was taught in the home. Some had good teachers that taught good things, some had bad teachers that taught bad things. Some didn’t have a teacher at home so they have to learn on their own. Some get it,some don’t. Did those ancestors teach about how things are going to be later in the course of history or were they teaching about how things were at that time???

    I get it… The title was to get people’s attention but didn’t you really have to sellout in that manner just for readers? The picture being used is a blatant slap in the face.
    You sound like you had a sex in the city moment with some friends and had a few drinks. Inspiration kicked into high gear with the emotional instability and liquid courage, you needed a fresh scapegoat henceforth “ancestors ” and came up with this.

    People like the author and her choice of title and her “list” are a big reason why black society is jacked up today.

    Now I’m going to speak to the black males…
    Never pay for a woman’s attention. If she digs you for who you are and how you roll just continue to keep it real with her,she’ll appreciate it. You are not a source of entertainment,plain and simple. And finally, you cannot do for every woman as you would for your woman meaning if you meet a woman then get to know her without having to invest money. Talk to her,meet her at the park,invest time in her to get to know her and learn about her. If she becomes your woman then take her out and enjoy a meal or a movie. Entitlement and selfishness will only encourage being single,being a jump off and eventually being lonely.

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