Health and Beauty

This matchmaker wants Black women to date bisexual or broke Black men.

In this post I’ll offend people and they’ll call me whatever-phobic. I don’t care. I want to save Black women’s lives. Screw your PC stuff when my sisters are dying. I want you to read the article below and come back here to read what I have to say.


According to,

“During a discussion on her company message board, Shae Primus shocked members by suggesting women give men who have experimented with same-sex relationships a chance. “It’s unfair that many women have had same-sex experiences, but at the same time, they judge men who have experimented with the same sex. Even if a guy has had one experience, most women will totally write him off as undateable.”

This is the sh** I and many other Black women have talked about this for years. Y’all think I’m kidding or lying when I tell you Black people want Black women to settle. Oh wait. There’s more. Primus then says,

Besides sexual history, Primus says women strike men off their potential lists for superficial issues such as not having a car, or “enough money” or even too many children. “You can’t love people by qualifying standards; allow people to grow. You can meet a person today who is struggling financially trying to get their life back together and by the end of the year they are up and rolling. Guess what? You just missed out on a great guy. When you help someone build, it teaches you and builds your character, and it also means the man will have loyalty to you. You get the chance to grow together,” Primus suggests.

What the hell is this? Are you freaking serious? This lady (and I’m being so kind) is out of her ever-loving mind. Not only did she say we should take a look at bisexual Black men, she also said we should consider men who are financially struggling and have litters of children.

Whew! Let me preface this by saying if a Black woman wants to love a bisexual man, it is her choice. I support her decision. Do you girl. If a Black woman is like naw, we shouldn’t stigmatize her too. The one who says “no,” has her reasons. Especially since we know half of bisexual Black men will contract HIV. That sis is third world level shi**. I wouldn’t date a bisexual man because of the stats. Yes, I know you can get HIV from a straight man, but when the stats say 50% of bisexual Black men will get HIV, I am well within my rights to say, “I’m not interested in bisexual men.” You see, I watched both my aunt and uncle die from AIDS. When I went to my aunt’s home I could smell death and she was barely alive. I wouldn’t wish this on my worse enemy. If that makes me biphobic, fine. I have every right to my choice.

And if you’re a man who is financially struggling, you have NO BUSINESS being in a committed relationship. Your ass should focus on making money to take care of your FUTURE family. If you have multiple litters of children, get counseling and consider marrying one of the women you thought were good enough to knock up! What kind of man are you to offer a woman nothing but struggle and pain? What kind of selfish man are you? F**k you and f**k struggle love.

You know why she promotes this trash? One she’s in Atlanta. Consider the demographics there. Enough said. Two, she thinks our asses are desperate. Three, like every other messed up “relationship guru” she is peddling dysfunctional bull sh** for sales.

Sis, I’m tired of seeing Black women be the sacrifice for Black love even though everyone knows there aren’t enough Black men to go around. Before you call me a Black man hater, I married a Black man, but I ain’t blind. There are 1.5 million MORE Black women than Black men. The ones who are left are gay, were or are incarcerated (1 out of 3 have been in prison), are unemployed (8.6%), have children, are cohabitating or are already married (only 32%). Instead of telling Black women to look at all men, including Black men, she says settle for struggle. GTHOH!

We need to tell Black women the truth and shut Black folks like this down. Black women deserve better. We deserve a partner who values us. We deserve a partner who is honest with us. We deserve a life without struggle and settling. We deserve a life that is disease free. We deserve a partner without multiple litters of children everywhere. We deserve wealth, health, and happiness. Sis, I will not sacrifice my life for the cause especially when the cause wants to see me dead, mentally ill, suffering from PTSD, sexually and physically abused, living in violent communities and struggling for the idea of Black love. Neither should you. Sis, you and I deserve happiness.

As much as I love Black women, I’m truly convinced the biggest promoters of Black women’s oppression and misery aren’t Black men. They just benefit from it so of course they will push it. It’s Black women who uphold it. It is Black women who teach it to our daughters. It’s Black women who promote and buy trash like this because they want you to suffer just like they did.  You have options. You have a choice.  To struggle love I say, enough is enough.

If you’re mad at me for saying this, so what. If it makes me a bigot, so what. Deep down you hate Black women. Stomp, scream, and cry. I don’t care. I hope I just saved a sister’s life.

The only limit you have is the one you have placed on yourself think and be limitless.

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  1. JamaicanWoman'95 16 January, 2017 at 20:12 Reply

    Nope, not settling for some broke down Black male especially when there are many other options to choose from. I believe that it is best to keep one’s options open to all races of men and vet him based on his character, compatibility, whether or not he is a protector and provider, is financially stable and loves you for who you are. There is no need to settle for subpar men just for the sake of having a Black male on your arms. The pickings are slim in the Black collective regarding finding suitable men to settle down with. And this is why it is best to just expand your options and vet men based on their character not their race.

    • SingaporeanWoman 17 January, 2017 at 10:59 Reply

      One of the reasons some men are broke is because of three people, the two lawyers and the soon to be ex-wife. Those are the three people that get paid in a divorce. Remember this society has the highest divorce ratio. And a man with money has a high risk of having his wealth subtracted from him, not seeing his kids, experiencing the break up of the family. Does marrying in America over a man marriage until does him apart from his wife? The answer is no. Who drives the Divorce Revolution in America?
      Go look up Dr. Helen Smith’s “Men On Strike”.

    • Lisa 17 January, 2017 at 14:52 Reply

      ” I believe that it is best to keep one’s options open to all races of men and vet him based on his character, compatibility, whether or not he is a protector and provider, is financially stable and loves you for who you are. ”

      I agree 100%. Especially the vet part!

  2. Anonymous 16 January, 2017 at 21:12 Reply

    This was probably one of the worst things you ever wrote. And you’ve had a long history of writing trash that goes back to your twitter days. It is extremely hilarious that when the writer of the post was tagged, you shut the thread down and gave that bullshit excuse of it being a “safe space” for black women. Your space does nothing but affirm your own bullshit views and spread overexaggerated fears to black women. Then, you say you didn’t even READ the article?

    How much more trash can you be, Bougie? I know you’ll delete this. But hey. Do a better job.

    • Bougie Black Girl 16 January, 2017 at 23:36 Reply

      I shut it down because of people like you. I shut it down because of the insults. I will not be abused. You want to do that, create your own page. I shut it down because people like you can’t help but center even Black women’s choices around peen. So no I won’t delete you. Black women need to see that I’m right and that the biggest promoters of Black women’s oppression are Black women like you. Thank you for your comment. I wish you nothing but success.

  3. Shay86 16 January, 2017 at 22:17 Reply

    “As much as I love Black women, I’m truly convinced the biggest promoters of Black women’s oppression and misery aren’t Black men. ” Facts.

    Female same sex couples simply do not put men at the same risks for STD’s as bisexual BM put Black women. So she need to go on somewhere with that “It’s not fair” boohooing mess. All the saddest symphonies of violins in the world could play at once and it still would not make that comparison a fair or even logical one. Then she says “You can’t love people by qualifying standards; allow people to grow.” Yeah, ok. Isn’t that what men have pretty much always done to women? She can’t be “hoe”, must be a virgin, cook, clean, work, always look good, etc). Where was all the flowery hold hands and “let people grow” language then? Man, if we don’t stop with promoting this foolishness to each other in 2017…

  4. Shay 16 January, 2017 at 22:26 Reply

    As a woman who is attracted to both men and women I guess I would be considered a hypocrite but I can’t see myself dating a bisexual man. I know pickings are slim with black men but that just leaves me more oppurtunity for me to date women more.

  5. Brenda55 17 January, 2017 at 08:12 Reply

    I have and keep my financial house in order. If a man does not he is not my equal and he is not considered.

    I am childfree by choice. If a man has dependent children he is not my equal and is not considered.

    I am hetersexual if a man is not he is not my equal and is not considered.

    This is my right to choose.

    Not going to tell anyone how to live. Do you however I set the standards for my own life and if you do not meet them you are out.

    I can accept the FACT that the pickings are slim when it comes to intact, functional, marriage worthy black men. Their brand is damaged and everyone knows it. That is why I did not marry one.

    Black women who do not want to accept that need to stay out of the faces of black women who get it and who want to expand their options towards functional men of all races. We individual black women have the right to do that.

    If you want the dysfunction and struggle that come with damaged goods then do you but you are not going to guilt trip me nor should you try to guilt trip other black women into accepting less. We…don’t….have….to.

    I am thrilled that black women are finding their voice and pushing back against the toxic witches that infest the black community. Betrayers who lead black women and girls to the slaughter.

    Black women deserve better and one of the first steps towards that end is tuning out drones like this woman in this article.

    Continue speaking the truth Bougie you are saving lives.

  6. Lady A 18 January, 2017 at 17:33 Reply

    It’s funny no one is making these articles for black men. Making “Date any type of black woman or else” type PSA’s for black men. Black men can date interracially if they want to, date upper echelon women if they want to, basically they can have standards because there’s no desperation to keep black men dating black women, like the black community, especially pro-black, black women try to force black women to do. Black women don’t have to settle just to have a black man, just so the black community can be satisfied. She and the rest of this half ass community can have several seats.

  7. Ms. Cornelia 18 January, 2017 at 17:52 Reply

    I fully agree Bougie. Why do black women have to settle? Black men are never asked to settle. I’d much rather be manless than be stuck with one I didn’t really want in the first place. Its not that deep.

  8. linda 16 February, 2017 at 12:55 Reply

    “When you help someone build, it teaches you and builds your character, and it also means the man will have loyalty to you.”

    Don’t make me laugh. I personally know many Black women who “helped someone build”, only to have him kick her to the curb and upgrade to a new model, once his situation improved.

    Perhaps Primus is unaware she’s contradicted herself:
    she described not having a car or enough money as a “superficial issue”, then in the next breath infers that a “great guy” is one who’s “up and rolling” (financially)

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