An open letter to people who want to write an open letter to Black women and put it on Huffington Post.

Dear Black People who want to write an open letter to Black women,

I am writing an open letter to people who want to write an open letter to Black women and put the open letter on Huffington Post because I  just read a post on Huffington Post called “An Open Letter to Black Women.” Well I hate to tell you but I am a proud black woman and I am writing from my blog because most of my readers are Black women.

Leave me alone. Get off my behind. I have had enough of people making money off of my back by tearing me down. Its not enough for you to support negative images but we now have Black females joining the bash Black women and then write something to fix us by using Jesus, telling me how I must roll over for Black men at all costs and its all our fault life sucks for us cash cow too.

Let me let you in on a little secret. I am happy. I ain’t broken. God has more important problems than to worry about me and no, we (as in Black women) do not all watch reality TV. Ok, I watch Swamp People but that is it. The author in the article posted above said, “Now, last night I watched my regular dose of “Reality” TV. While I know that most reality shows are scripted, those scripts are often influenced by a bigger truth that needs a conversation. And man, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta showcased some real winners last night! Black women, what happened to us? We have gone from mothers of this earth; strong and proud backbones of our men, to ignorant, groupie, door mats! We are better than this!

What da blood clot!!

I have no clue what Love and Hip Hop Atlanta is and I suspect millions of other Black women have no clue what the heck it is either. We are too busy living our lives. I do not know any of the characters and they for darn sure do not represent me. Do you know people like that? If you do perhaps you need new amigas? If you loved and truly cared about the images on TV why are you supporting it? That is my question.

The sexist rant goes on to tell me that Black women do not love each other, we are self centered, laughing stocks, and sexual objects. WHHHHAAATTTT???? She gleaned this all from a freaking scripted TV show! Folks, I for one love Black women. They made me, raised me and taught me everything I know. I owe my life to them and I am incredibly grateful. Self centered? How can we be self centered if 70-80% of all Black homes are headed by Black women? Sexual objects? Have you seen the study that was recently in the Grio that said in a life time Black women only had ten yes ten sexual partners while Black males had freaking 38 of them! Talk to Black men about using their bodies as sexual theme park rides.

Finally, in Mrs. Williams’ post she tries to say that all of “our” problems will be solved by following her God. Right! How about getting off your knees and starting a campaign to stop the negative and false imagery of Black women on TV. Don’t forget. It starts with you so stop being so damn sexist.  Take a look at What About Our Daughters has done.

Mrs. Williams and others of her ilk are no different from the people they claim to decry on the idiot box. Why?  Because they are projecting negative stereotypes on to 16 million people. Is she like that? I suspect she would say she is not. So why are they doing this to us. Who knows? Maybe they want clicks, money, to sell books, fame, etc. You know, the same things rappers do without the profanity and a lot more fancy words. Listen if you love us as much as you claim you do stop supporting negative images of Black women and turn the TV off and to my Black female readers, remember “skin folk ain’t kin folk.” People love tearing us down so keep your head up.

Stay Bougie,




  1. The Curvy Socialite 19 July, 2012 at 15:01 Reply

    Thank you for writing this. Every point you make here are arguments that I have used at one time or another when talking to friends who can’t understand why I don’t rush home to watch shows like Basketball Wives, RHOA and all the other “wives” reality shows out there. I’m not a fan of these shows and many others (Jersey Shore, Big Brother, etc) that perpetuate the stereotypes.

    Many argue that it is a form of entertainment. They know that these shows are often scripted and that they don’t represent the groups they portray but many other viewers don’t understand that. The behaviors purported by these shows aren’t behaviors I idolize or aspire to emulate. The generation after us who are growing up on these reality shows want to be like these folks (how many girls do you know talk about wanting to be like Kim K? Traveling around NY, you’d be surprised how many girls aspire to be like her or what they think she is like based on the show). Also, I find myself constantly shaking my head when I listen to “others” (non-black/non-minorities) who watch these programs and assume that all Black people act like that. Sorry, I don’t get down with the tomfoolery.

    Again, thank you for this post. I’m a big fan of your blog. From one bougie black girl to another…Continued success!

      • The Curvy Socialite 19 July, 2012 at 17:23 Reply


        Personally I think may of us are too busy to even entertain the craziness they’re passing off as must-see TV. I know I am (and following your escapades and your writings you are as well). But we aren’t as silent as some would think. Remember how quickly the idea of a BBW movie was shot down. Hello, Whoopi made it a hot topic on the View. The problem is that too many women (young and old of all races) support these franchises and live for what they represent. SMH

  2. Brandy Williams 19 July, 2012 at 19:24 Reply

    As the author of the article, who not only reads adamently, but also as a Doctoral student in Psychology (with a focus on the Black community, domestic violence and social progress), have seen far more than reality TV shows to know what I am speaking about. It is really interesting that I make a point of calling out what so many women that I teach, that I study, that I know, that I used to be, do and you say is perpetuating a stereotype. Well, you are absolutely, dead wrong! Are all Black women broken, nope, and I said that. Are all Black women stuck running behind men, nope…but a great majority are!

    The real problem is that people who are not running behind men, being a groupie, and the like, ARE the minority- which was the point of the article. The other problem, unfortunately, is women like you. When ever a problem is point out about Blacks, we are too quick to call racism, stereotyping, uneducated, etc. We do not listen and we certainly do not want to be told that we could be a problem. You judged me, made ASSumptions about me, and you knew nothing but that you were angered because you didn’t identify with the message. I hate to inform you but, the world doesn’t revolve around you. I applaud you if you are doing positive things, living your life and uplifting others. Unfortunately, what I see of you is not that. I see you, judging, making erroneous and illogical claims, and purporting a message to the masses, that is counterproductive. If I am wrong, so be it. However, take a look in the mirror because clearly, you fit the bill on something I said…where is the support, encouragement?

    When we make claims like, “isten if you love us as much as you claim you do stop supporting negative images of Black women and turn the TV off and to my Black female readers, remember “skin folk ain’t kin folk.” People love tearing us down so keep your head up”, you are destroying the essence of what built strong, Black communities to begin with. We were once united through a struggle, a common identity, and a common bond. We need those days back…the days when skin meant you were in. By the way, I watch “reality” TV to clear my head and unwind from what I do everyday. I spend my days reading, writing, teaching and thinking. I don’t want to do too much of that when I get home!

    • Bougie Black Girl 19 July, 2012 at 19:51 Reply

      You made made a stereotypical generalization about 17 million people and got called out on it. Look at the responses you received. I for one am tired of the Black women bashing. Fyi, we Black women are not the same. I have never watched the show. Who are you to say we are all selfish and self centered? All the degrees in the world didn’t stop you from making a stereotypical generalization about Black women based on a TV show. A TV show? Come on. Would you call Love and Hip Hop an adequate sample size of Black women? No but you did. Like I said on Huffington if a white male or Black male made the ridiculous stereotypical judgments about Black women based on a scripted TV show you did we would all be protesting. Smh.

    • Bougie Black Girl 19 July, 2012 at 19:58 Reply

      Unlike some I make it my business to defend the women who love me, the women who raised me and the woman that gave birth to me. You are darn right I will defend them against people who are willing to trash their image. I look forward to the study that shows the self centredness of Black women based on Love and hip hop.

    • Krinn 20 September, 2012 at 12:27 Reply

      Well, you don’t have to be black to see that what you are writing about can apply to ALL women…and you don’t need a PhD to figure it out either.

      The point I feel was missed in what BBG was writing is that the producers of these “reality” shows SCRIPT them and thereby EXAGGERATE the stereotypes they are perpetuating. The participants - whomever they may be, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity - are being exploited by the owners of the show. Yes, they are doing so of their own free will and for what they perceive will be their personal gain, but in the long run we are all - as a society - the losers in this. You believe black women have become a laughing stock because of the reality shows? Apparently you’ve never seen “Girls Gone Wild” which are predominantly college-aged white women? Or the hardcore porn on the Internet where predominantly white women allow themselves to be photographed with multiple men playing with their bodies at once, shoving their organs or fists into every orifice; or having a man (or men) ejaculate right in their faces? Yes, those antics are something. Black women are not alone in bad behavior. And none of these women represent a majority of women of any race.

      Most of my friends watch these ridiculous reality shows (cannot speak to the porn, but I’m guessing not), but I can’t seem to bring myself to do it. I don’t like the fact that someone creates these shows to highlight a minority of the population and then glamorizes the bad behavior. I find them embarrassing and the fact that they go global and are available for the world to see is a disgrace. I can’t bring myself to watch them because I don’t want to participate in that degradation of our society. I meet thousands of people each year because of my job and the majority of people are not reflected in these programs. I know so many women who are working hard, taking care of their families - often alone - and who bristle at the characterizations you name. Yes, some women fall into that characterization, but certainly not all. Generalizations are a very dangerous thing. I would think that, by now, we’d all have learned that.

      Women of all nationalities and races are repeatedly attacked and degraded. It continues to bother me that women will actively participate in this. Note I did not say black women. I said women, because the truth is that the behavior is not exclusive to black women. I understand your blog was somewhat of a battle cry aimed specifically towards black women, but I believe it could have been directed to ALL women.

      Maybe a better approach would have been to speak specifically to the women in the programs you are watching rather than lumping all women into the mix. And, I would take that a step further to say that I would encourage people not to watch these shows. There are plenty of other ways to satisfy our need to escape via TV than to passively participate in these displays of greed, ignorance, and crudeness. If people didn’t watch them, they wouldn’t be produced; but, I’m sure that I’m tilting at windmills here…it is a naive and romantic notion to think that people won’t watch or participate for their own perceived gain.

      Finally, Ms. Williams, your entire second paragraph is a personal attack on someone who simply disagrees with your characterization and generalization of black women. Speaking strictly from a psychological viewpoint, she obviously struck a nerve and that elicited a rather emotional response from you in which you make a very personal attack on someone you don’t know. As with anything, when people feel defensive and are in fear of losing a battle, they attack. That limits the actual discourse and shuts down the possibility of not only being heard, but of having impact…which, I believe it is safe to say, you were attempting.

    • destinycampbell84 28 September, 2012 at 23:09 Reply

      Do you know the majority of black women? I highly doubt you know 16 million plus women so I suspect NOT! You may have ‘studied’ a certain group of black women from certain backgrounds which could easily skew your research towards a particular result. It does not mean that your sample group is the majority. If I go to the deepest heart of a black ghetto and interview 1,000 people, the results may seem overwhelmingly a certain way that I might make the mistake of assume they represent the majority. However, if I simply take myself out of that environment and interviewed blacks from a different part of time, educations/income level etc. I can easily get a more balanced view. Even published studies can be misleading, faulty, and downright dishonest in an attempt to prove a preconceived, biased opinion. For example, there is a ‘study’ that claims that there are more young black men in jail then college. This study was put on public display by the NAACP out of all organizations! In convenient truth or lie? It was completely misleading. While the study only counted black men between the ages of 18-24 with college degrees, they calculated ALL black men who were incarcerated or paroled regardless of age (yes that means middle aged and older men were included in the prison number for a study that was trying to prove that more YOUNG black men were in prison than school). When you only take into account the 18-24 year old black men who are in prison, the number of black men OF THAT SAME AGE GROUP who are in college OUTNUMBERED the ones in prison! See how a biased study can lead to gross over generalization? Individual studies of a few people does not accurately represent a population.

  3. treese 19 July, 2012 at 22:17 Reply

    Brandy you state “The real problem is that people who are not running behind men, being a groupie, and the like, ARE the minority- which was the point of the article. The other problem, unfortunately, is women like you.” As a fellow scholar and PhD student studying Black communities, you surely know that it is disingenuous to make blanket statements about any community even if you identify with that community. That is why we study subjects and phenomenon to ask questions and posit relationships and correlations. Not presumably answer our own bias. Bougie Black Girl is giving another perspective that you don’t agree with but to call her the problem, is academically sloppy. Why do you feel you can lay this burden at her specific feet? Furthermore, since when did Black women taking responsibility lead to Black women controlling their image? That has not ever been true in these United States. And while I agree Brandy, we all have work to do, (that is what I took away from your original post) viewing our lives within a reality show spectrum means we continue to “see” our lives through television. From Amos and Andy to Basketball Wives all images of the black community as a whole have be caricature.…I would hope we can develop the ability to not see ourselves or our communities through the stereotypes presented to us. Just my two cents

  4. Anele 20 July, 2012 at 03:47 Reply

    I just went to huffington post to read the article…. pure fuckery². I for one have no idea what Love and Hip hop is but I’m going to assume that it is a stupid reality show. People will use anything to find an excuse to bash black women! I personally think it is only a minority of black women that chase men! All my black friends and sisters are too proud! They would much rather drop dead than chase a man!. there are not many black reality shows out there but have you seen the stupid shit white people do on their shows?!

  5. Jamie 25 July, 2012 at 16:15 Reply

    This is a great blog. I saw a link from Facebook about this article and was led your site. I am also a (BWE- Black Woman Empowered) blogger, and I think its awesome that AT LEAST we are having this conversation. It would be a travesty to slide the ugliness of what is being portrayed in media about us under the rug. So I think this is an awesome discussion.

    I think Brandy’s article had good intentions and I think she feels the same way that we all do about the representation of Black women in media. I think we can ALL agree, that we are the largest misrepresented class of individuals among both gender and racial lines. I also am disgusted by was is depicted as “Reality TV”. I personally do not watch reality TV. I prefer watching either CNN or fictional shows like “Scandal” or “True Blood”. In any event-I think both BBG and Brandy bring up good points about how we are (and these are not your words-but mind) seen as a “farce” in the media.

    I do think it is disingenuous to assume by watching Black women on those “Reality TV” shows that ALL Black women are like that OR that ALL Black women on TV are represented that way. There are shows like Melissa Harris-Perry on MSNBC and the OWN network that show positive representations of Black women. The problem is there is more noise on the “Reality TV” side then there is on OUR side. So I believe strongly that writers, bloggers, TV producers, filmmakers, and the like should create more content that features this dismissed sub-culture of Black women that we rarely get to see. We need to be seen as not only entrepreneurs, law makers, and artists-but we also need to be seen as dorky, geeky and nerdy women who are not fashionistas and women that have an arrogant air about themselves. Not all of us are like that. Some of us are awkward socially inept beings that prefer to read a novel within the confines of their home and watch political pundits rant about jobs and America’s economy.

    I don’t know-that’s just me. A Black Girl Nerd.

  6. WarrenAZ 19 August, 2012 at 00:26 Reply

    I am very disappointed at the author of that piece. She offered rhetoric when an objective perspective was in order. Lots of emotional ploys to cover blatant condescension. The reference to religion also troubled me. I’m one of many atheists in her “collective self” and I find it odd that she prescribes a relationship with God to demonstrate self-love. Why not a looking to the historical record of African American women in education, activism, entrepreneurship, and philanthropy for inspiration as well?

    She then attributed our skin color to selfishness when there is evidence to the contrary. By volume black women form, support, and promote a considerable amount of organizations, businesses, projects, and other initiatives to work for the betterment and entertainment of black women and girls.

    The National Congress of Black Women
    The National Counsel of Negro Women
    The National Association of Colored Women
    Black Girls Rock Inc.
    Afropuffs and Ponytails Inc.
    Black Women for Black Girls
    The National Organization of Black Women
    National Coalition of 100 Black Women
    …those are off the top of my head, I’m sure there is list.

    In entertainment Issa Rae and BetweenWomenTV (both web series brands) exceeded their donation goals, largely because of black women contributing.
    Black women in the natural hair niche market have been able to rely on the black female demographic for brand expansion and product testing. Black women also support black female actresses, musicians, writers, and comedians more than any other demographic.

    In fact a Gallup Poll showed that Black Women with an annual income of $25000 or more are twice as likely to donate to charities than white women.

    Williams projected her racial insecurities onto the reader and a lot of women agreed with her because they attribute negative qualities with their skin color or racial identification. This “tell it like it is” tone is also preferred by women with these racial and gender hang ups are. “If its bad it must be true because the truth hurts.”

    I hope that she reexamines her position more carefully in the future. As a junior on my first degree I have to say that Williams’ piece was extremely disappointing. Education sets a standard in the mind of the reader and using that to dress up was is obviously a rant is dishonest.

  7. eshowoman 20 September, 2012 at 10:25 Reply

    I assume from the quote “What da blood clot!!” you may come from a West Indian immigrant family like me. The hatred directed towards black women in African American culture has always puzzled me. Although black Caribbean and African cultures can be extremely paternalistic there is no equivalent to the scorn and internalized hatred displayed by this woman. I often comment on this phenomenon on my blog The Angry Black Woman Watch, but I am no closer to understanding why black women are “the mules of the world” when we have held that world together with our grace, strength and beauty.

  8. greatnessisachoice 24 September, 2012 at 06:23 Reply

    You have some valid points, for I have not followed or watched love & hip/hop. But, then again I absolutely do not like new/style hip/hop. I’m 41 therefore I grew on the Good Stuff like MC Lyte, A Tribe Called Quest, LL Cool J just to mention a few. The old days of true storytelling and talent.

    I personally believe we are all charged with being the change we desire to see in the world. For myself, this approach has worked everywhere. People vote & make decisions with their feet/time & purse/ wallet. Whatever you do not like/ simply do not SUPPORT. I’m a devoted happy Christian who loves to tell everybody God is Good & I love The Lord. I do not wear a t-shirt or have a bumper sticker but I know for sure people are changed because of my light. Love should ways be obvious & no guessing game. People should not feel you are a liability but an enhancer of life. Life is just like a theater & everyone is not healthy enough to have close to us. Some people must be in the balcony & some even on the outside of the theater. Media can not sale negative images without followers. Continue to do something about the problems be a part of the solution. Anyone can identify a problem but not many can commit to finding a solution & have the passion & drive to see the plan through.

  9. MissCocoaMD 13 February, 2013 at 07:03 Reply

    Thank you. For whatever reason there seem to be an abundance of Black women can’t do right articles. It is becoming sickening. The last article I read was by a Black man who believed the Black middle class was deteriorating because of Black woman and offered his advice. Why are we always the proverbial whipping mule?

    Why is it the relationships of other cultures are not as entertaining or highlighted for everyone’s amusement?

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